Friday, April 13, 2012

Am I really there?

It's almost summer! But it won't be summer like it was last year or well really any year ever before because I will be taking summer school and doing an internship (Lord willing, I have yet to find anyone who will let me work for them, did I mention for free?!?). I am already trying to saver ever minute I get to be home with Amelia but a couple of things have put things in perspective for me lately. One is the fact that the our life style will be changing a lot, very quickly. Once this semester ends I will no longer be a stay-at-home-mom, possibly ever again. I feel really blessed that we have been able to make this work while I have been in school but once I graduate I will be entering the work force. It makes me sad to think I will never have time like this with Amelia in the future but at the same time I really enjoy design and am excited for my future working experiences. I guess this is just all part of the modern mother's dilema. How to balance giving our child/ren everything and still finding a place for ourselves.

Anyways, this has made me reconsider how I spend my time with Amelia. It bothers me a little bit, how distracted we can be by our technology. I am not a technophobe, in fact I practically sleep with my smart phone but that is what I have been thinking about. Am I really there when I spend time with my daughter or am I on my laptop or cellphone? I have noticed that on the days that the computer stays off and the phone is charging upstairs Amelia and I get along better. She has less meltdowns and gets into less trouble, which makes me wonder if she isn't trying to get my attention on those other days. So, I want to make a resolution that when Amelia is awake that my laptop stays off and my phone is only to be answered if someone calls. No more distractions. I can never get this time back.

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