I have a thing about needles. I don't like them. It's partly that they hurt but mostly the feeling of something metal under my skin is just uncomfortable to me. I knew that while pregnant I was going to have to face this issue. I just thought that the worst would be over shadowed by labor pains and therefore make the little needle iv under my skin irrelevant. I didn't imagine that I was going to have to battle this issue 5 times daily.
At my appointment yesterday I was told that even though my glucose numbers are mostly good a few were high which is cause for concern for Amelia. It is important that she not grow too big too quickly. It can cause unnecessary c-section and other delivery issues. So, I have been put on a low dose of insulin 5 times a day. After the doctor informed me of all this the nurse came in to show me how to use the insulin pens and I had to mentally talk myself out having a panic attack. I just kept thinking, "I can't do this." Then I remembered I don't have a choice and Amelia's health (and mine) are far more important than a stupid little needle. I still cried out of frustration once I reached my car.
So, this morning was the first dose and I did it. It went a little something like this:
I pulled the pen out and attached the needle and then adjusted the medicine dial and ensured the insulin was coming out as it's supposed to. I decided that my leg should be the easiest place to inject myself so I put the needle to my skin. Then I quickly pulled it away.
Me: I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
I then looked at myself in the mirror, right in the eye.
Me (to mirror): You can do this. You will do this.
At this point I did try to inject myself in the leg but couldn't b/c it hurt too much. I never realized that my thighs are still mostly muscle even though I never workout anymore. So, I decided to try injecting myself in the fatty part of my upper arm. I debated a little about whether watching the needle go into my skin was making it harder to do and whether I really needed to watch it. Luckily since I choose my arm I could only partly see it going in which made it much easier and a few clicks later it was done. It was a struggle for sure and took much longer than it had to but it's done. One time down, just 4 more to go...today. I just keep telling myself it's only for a month and a half. I am thankful it's not for the rest of my lifetime.